For the month of February I spent a lot of time reflecting. It was a month full of changes. I was fairly busy between school and my personal life, so I thought I may end my challenge before it had even really had a chance to get started. Some of the items on my list are about food, some are about adventure, some are about money, and some are about me. February brought me to the realization that I could cross two of those things about me off of my bucket list.
First up: Stop Pushing People Away
I have always had a hard time letting people in to my little world. That's not to say that I have a hard time relating to people or making friends. It's more the keeping of friends that I struggle with. I tend to self-destruct perfectly good friendships. I over analyze every conversation or comment, every time that something seems out of place. The over analyzing thing will likely always continue, but I'm fully aware of it now and can catch myself when I am just inventing problems. I've very rarely let anyone get close. I have always moved myself across the country the moment I have started to get too close to people, I run away from a good life with good people in it. Over the past year however, I've had the chance to make some very worthwhile friends, mostly via horror conventions. Horror hasn't been in my life very long, but the community has been so good to me and I have found some of the best friends I could hope for. They are an inspiring group of people full of support. I've had to cut back on my trips to the conventions, but instead of also cutting back on these people I have connected to, I stay in touch. I make plans and I bear my soul to them, and they do the same. Conversations had while I had to make a very sudden to change to my living situation made me realize that I was no longer pushing people away. It may not be an interesting adventure but it is personal growth that I'm very proud to have achieved.
Secondly: Equal Love
Now, I know what you're thinking.... and it's not some sappy Valentine's day thing because it was February, I have always been with people that were not very good, a few that would be accurately described as monsters, and many cheaters. Honestly, it stems from the fact that I have stopped pushing people away. It allowed me to open my heart and let in someone good and deserving of love for the first time. I have always loved more. It's a terrible feeling to know that someone loves you less than you love them. I don't really have a way to define equal love, I just think it's a gut feeling. And it's a gut feeling that I have. My partner and I are starting a life together, becoming a family. I'm sublimely happy, despite all the stress that I have in my life. I have an overwhelming feeling that I am in a stable place with a man that loves me just as much as I love him. Honestly, I probably could have crossed this off sooner, but this past weekend held a moment where I knew it was time to cross this one off. We were at a convention with my son, brother, and a friend all in the same room. I had VIP and an event ticket which involved two things I could not bring little Stormageddon along to. In between these events I stopped in the room to change and my partner and son were both asleep in the bed and my heart basically exploded with happiness and love. My brother was supposed to watch Stormageddon, but instead my partner chose to stay with him to make sure he was taken care of instead of spending time out with friends at the convention having a good time.
So that is officially the mushiest and girliest thing that will probably ever occur on this blog. Now for some updates!
Items added to the bucket list:
-Grow my own salt
Once again, if you think I'm missing any important life experiences from my list please suggest them! I am always looking for things to add!
I bought three different types of Kombucha based on the suggestions on my January post. I will try them all and report back once I have. I still don't have high hopes but maybe you're suggestions will change my mind!